Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Corresponding with ghosts

I’m trying to think about why I’ve started a blog. What is its purpose? What is its aim? How will I fit in an entry or two a week when time seems so fleeting?

The best I can come up with is a genuine curiosity about who may be out there. Perhaps forging ‘connections’, though this sounds pathetic. (Yes, I have got friends and a boyfriend and a life of my own, and no, I’m not a sociopath who wants to Internet stalk some random from Missouri.) I guess it’s all about posing genuine questions and wondering what answer drifts back at me from across the ether. It’s almost like picking up a Ouija board and corresponding with ghosts. Trying to divine little nuggets of wisdom. Seeking some meaning, wherever it happens to be.

So if I am looking for answers, what are the questions? Well, the questions aren’t so definite to be called ‘questions’ at all.

What they are is a sort of wondering, a thinking, a dissecting, of things that I happen to have found
beautiful every week. Yes, this blog will be about beauty and all its manifold forms. What is beauty? Why is it? 

To some extent, it’s about posing these things philosophically, and really trying to unpick them.

Why am I dribbling over these
shoes, yet these ones leave me cold?

Why have I always been drawn to this painting, but never ‘gotten’ anything by this guy?
Why do I love these photos I took?

To another degree, it’s about being a delicate, melancholy person who sometimes sees the world through a sadness that acts as a cataract. It seems to me that that’s the way I’ve always been, I was born that way – though I’m sure many would argue that I must be a creature of experience. Regardless, I am still aware that the world is full of beauty: savage beauty, gentle beauty, shallow beauty, gleeful beauty. 

So this blog is about circling the beauty with a bloggish marker pen and saying: here it is. This justifies everything. This made my week.

A bit of a
gratitude diary? Maybe. If you like. Though does everything you find beautiful make you grateful? Sometimes, something beautiful can make you feel bitter and resentful. An old flame, let’s say, who suddenly re-smoulders in front of you, the light shimmering off them – hypnotic, bewitching, but something you definitely can’t have. Too hot to the touch. Too beautiful to behold.

What all of this hopefully does is define who I and why I am and how I am in relation to the ‘things’ (the objects, the phenomenon, the reality) that surrounds me. Egotistical? Probably! But ‘beauty’ is so subjective – how could this ever be about anything but me? Surely it would be egotistical to do otherwise?!

Anyway, enough ramblings for now. I hope this introduction gives you a better idea of what the blog involves. And I hope you stay with me as we journey through it all together. Who knows, we might find the same things beautiful! 

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